| | If we don't work our way up, then the only way to go ... is down.
May, baby, baby. It's been a rough month out the gate and I still have twenty-two days to go. Whew!
To be fair, I'm amazed when I feel knocked down, somehow, someway, I'm able to climb up from the rubble and gaze at the sky.
For me, an overcast sky is a sign of hope. People underestimate the value in darkness & the bleak. Sunny days aren't permanent and no sooner than the Sun makes it presence known ... a puffed up & proud cloud overtakes it.
There's power in grey skies and cloudy, rainy days. I feel I have more energy and can feel assured in my convictions. Hot, sticky, sweaty, Summer days leave me drained & depressed. I have the opposite affliction to those who suffer in the Winter and/or Autumn.
Why is that?
I took a step outside in the Sun and discovered that I can't really enjoy days as birds and butterflies do. I find m'self scowling at passersby ... because they exist.
I feel poisoned by the city where I dwell, because it's never been a home where I live, but merely a place where I barely existed.
A friend asked me how I was doing. I'm asked that question more than any other & it's part of our everyday vernacular. Problem was - she asked because she said I looked a bit ... peaked.
Huh? Me? I feel ... *sigh*
I felt drained - mentally and spiritually. Physically, I pushed m'self to make things happen, because I needed things to happen, even if my life were no longer a happening, but a happenstance.
She has a brilliant, scientific mind that combines with a naturopathic sensibility and she sensed that I wasn't well. She was concerned and that caused me more grief than anything.
I don't want my friends to be concerned. I don't want to concern my family. I strive in my life as I do, so folk who care needn't worry ... about my food, shelter, health ... and yet,
I lived in another country for a year and I never heard the words of concern from friends & family as much as I do in THIS place.
What am I waiting for? I'm already down.
I need to figure out ...
Which way ... is up.
I haven't posted an entry in a while, but oh ... I've a lot of thoughts, as usual, swirling 'round my head.
My "currently watching" selection I watched before watching "Precious". "Precious" was OK, but the story wasn't unique ... it was from another perspective. "Good Hair" wasn't necessarily unique, but the narrative was & with Chris Rock at the helm ... there were aspects that deserved further conversation, though I doubt that'll happen.
Peace,
Moi
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| | Posted 5/9/2010 8:14 PM - 37 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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